This post was written by Alison Green and published on Career Catalyst
A reader writes:
I’m looking for a part-time nanny for my young daughter. I posted on a reputable online job board that connects parents and caregivers, and I received several applications. One of them, a young woman I’ll call Aurora, quickly became my top candidate. She had great experience, special expertise, and her caregiving philosophy matched mine. Her phone interview went great and our in-person meeting went well. She gave all the right answers.
There were a couple of hiccups. There was, at one point, a long pause in communication — so long that I thought she ghosted me. But when she reached back out, she said there had been a sudden family emergency and she apologized. She also very quickly provided me with one reference, a former coworker, but it took her much longer to provide a reference from a parent she’d previously nannied for.
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Her coworker reference was good, no problems. But her parent reference … Well, the person on the phone sounded very young to have school-age children. I didn’t think to ask her about it at the time, and I’m not even sure how I would have worded such a question. But it kind of ate at me. So before I offered Aurora the job (I was literally about to text her), I decided to just do a quick search.
The parent reference has a highly unusual name and was easily findable on social media. As far as I can tell, she has no children. (No pictures of any, no mentions, no posts or connections to anything parent-related. She gives thanks for her boyfriend and dog but not her kids.) Aurora and the parent reference routinely like each other’s posts. And I found a photo of Aurora, her coworker reference, and her parent reference posing together as part of a friend group, all of them in their early to mid twenties.
I mean, maybe this is explainable? Parent reference had kids very young and keeps silent about them on social media? They’re both friends and former employer/employee? But I’m a researcher by nature and training — I’ve built my career on finding information and weeding fact from fiction — and this feels icky.
What do I do? Ask Aurora about it directly? (But if this is innocent, I’ll look like a loon and blow the best candidate I’ve got.) Ask her for a third reference? (But am I going to trust that?) Just drop her and say I’m going in a different direction? I’m lost. Help!
I’d be highly suspicious too. And you can’t trust someone with something as high-stakes as your kids’ care once you suspect they’re lying about something as fundamental as a reference.
So. Did she have multiple child care jobs listed on her application? If so, one option is to ask to be put in touch with references from those too. It’s always okay as a reference-checker to ask, “Can you put me in touch with your manager from X job?” Candidates sometimes bristle at that advice to employers — but your situation illustrates why it’s so important to feel comfortable doing it. Sometimes the reference(s) the candidate proactively offered seem off. Sometimes they’re not people who can speak to the specific things you’re interested in learning about. And to be clear, sometimes there’s a legitimate reason why the candidate would prefer not to connect you (they left on bad terms, etc.), and then that can be discussed — but it’s reasonable on your end to ask.
Another option is to just ask Aurora about it: “I did speak to Valentina Picklebrush, but I wasn’t sure if I had the right person — she sounded quite young. I just want to confirm: she has school-age kids that you nannied for?” She’s probably not going to confess on the spot, but her response might push you more in one direction or the other.
But unless something happens that puts this completely to rest for you — like, I don’t know, it turns out that Valentina’s daughter answered her phone and posed as her mom for laughs, and the real Valentina speaks with you and it’s clear she is indeed a parent who employed Aurora — which is pretty unlikely — then I think you’ve got to pass on Aurora. The stakes are too high.